It’s a huge achievement to reset your relationship and start the rest of your lives together. To understand how you’ll maintain your progress, let’s start with these three points:

1. Long-term relationships will have ups and downs.

2. 69% of conflict is related to perpetual issues that are unresolvable.

3. Each couple is a unique combination of personalities and life experiences. Each couple will have a particular set of challenges and strengths based on these unique interactions.

To sustain your progress, turning on autopilot cannot be an option. You must consistently nurture your friendship, manage conflict with gentleness, and create shared meaning as you pursue your dreams.

Expect to use every tool you learned in treatment often! The masters at long-term relationships are actively doing these three things:

Staying emotionally connected.

The key to your success will be maintaining emotional connection. Rituals help you prioritize your relationship and provide each other a sense of emotional safety. This investment frees up your energy to be creative together, go on adventures, and deepen your relationship in new ways. Here are six rituals that will require 6-hours a week to make happen:

Take every opportunity in these rituals to court and romance your partner. No matter how long you’ve been together, dive into date nights with curiosity and passion. Touch each other sensually, flirt, and focus on sharing pleasure. A passionate sex life provides more of the “bonding hormone” oxytocin which will enhance your overall emotional connection.

Want to keep your sexual Love Maps updated? Check out Sex Questions to Ask a Man or Woman on the Gottman Card Decks. You can also pick a fun activity to do from the Gottman Salsa Decks.

Dreaming together and
creating shared meaning.

Stay connected to your individual and relationship dreams. You will continue to grow and your life vision will change as you do. As our dreams change, we need to keep each other’s Love Maps updated. This can happen in a variety of fun and playful ways. If it comes up in the context of conflict, you can reconnect by using a Dreams Within Conflict conversation.

Remember, you’re creating a real life story together and it’s important to stay connected around topics of values, ethics, and spirituality. There are lots of ways we make meaning of our life and the masters at long-term relationships do a great job creating that together. Start these conversations with the Open-ended Question and Love Map card decks.

Get the free relationship app here:

Managing conflict constructively.

Even the masters at long-term relationships have conflict. The good news is that if you avoid the Four Horsemen and follow the blueprint below, you’ll be okay.

When conflict arises, gently bring it up then speak and listen in a way that validates each other’s experience. If there’s gridlock, try thinking about what deeper meaning is connected to the conflict and share it. After you truly understand each other and validate each other’s reality, problems tend to resolve or lead to compromise experiments. When regrettable incidents arise, ease into an aftermath conversation to repair. Turn toward each other and tackle repair attempts as a team. This is your blueprint.

Click on the skill to save it to your phone, tablet, or computer: